U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
I un-blacked out around 7am watching J.lo videos on youtube
She's a Laker fan, her sister is a Celtic fan... no matter who wins I'm getting a celebration bj from one of them!
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
It made me think of you cause he just screamed "CAPTAIN PLANET" a lot and kicked people in the balls.
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
Not even a manhunt keeps my brother and his friends from the bars
Dude we were sitting at my place stoned as fuk then someone knocks on the door and it was my neighbor giving me a huge box of cookie dough. Magic of weed.
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
Randomize
