i just won a 100 dollar gift card to walmart in a karaoke contest...i love kentucky
seriously i just wanna be friends
pass
you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
Today in psych we learned that you are a whore.
Me specifically?
Yep.
I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
So I cleaned out my gym bag. Found half a bottle of malibu.
You know, I could pretend I'm shocked but what's the use?
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day ❤️
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
Randomize
