i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
I figured that I'd start organizing the places ive given head. I'll add treehouse right after bandroom
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
Just bought shot glasses from the thrift store. I think the guy buying a winter coat was even judging me.
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