And i was thinking, 'i'm happy to be underneath you, but i wish you weren't doing THAT.'
Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
Eventually evolution will just give us a better liver anyway, so our great great grandkids should THANK us for our binge drinking.
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
Just followed a blind kid around for 20 minutes to see how awesome his guide dog was. And he was pretty fucking awesome
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
I don't really care where everyone ended up, but is everyone alive and not in jail?
Not in jail
Alive?
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
Randomize
