Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
I sometimes wonder how many of the girls I know have done anal...and why none of them have ever dated me.
He's been dead since March and more people write on his wall than mine.
i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
Why are friend nudes not more of a thing? My tits look awesome right now.
Can I drink yet?
It's Monday morning.
Your point?
It's one of those "I can't stand you but we're stuck in the same hotel room tonight so let's fuck until one of us passes out" kind of nights.
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
I always knew ther was a reason why we're best friends
Obvs our love of drugs
I like to think of it more as our love of curiosity
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
Randomize
