I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
There is no excuse for watching a Jesse McCartney movie.
I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
My balls had bee stings let's just leave it at that.
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
Yo send me the pic of me stickn my dick in the paint bucket last night
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
My only regret this past weekend is abusing only 3 substances when I could have done so much more.
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
But idk if I cried about life then banged him or banged him and then cried. Chicken or the egg?
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
Bring vodka when you get back from court.
Randomize
