My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
Soo time for a life change, my 6 yr old sister made my gf a puke bucket for her birthday
I feel awful
Physically or morally
Physically. The only immoral thing I did was steal money from strippers while they gave me lapdances.
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
thats why a responsible adult always keeps some facial hair just in case they need to shave a hulk hogan mustache for midget wrestling...
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
Bring the pizza ill bring the boundaries we can cross
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
Randomize
