What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
Just filled up my pledge keg goblet with coffee at bp. They can judge all they want. At least I'm not killing baby dolphins.
Yeah but the gay hasidics turned out to actually just be real gay hasidics
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
I will not ride trays down a flight of stairs topless and drunk....
Wasted on the beach. There's children everywhere. A six year old girl even stood over me with her hands on her waist looking down on me as I was passing out by the water
I want to break up with him.....but he has a george forman grill...like I need that
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
After this weekend, it looks come this holiday season I'll be walking in a winter abortionland.
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
It would be weird sobbing cry sex.
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
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