Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
he is a creepy guy.
yea thats what heroine does to ppl.
you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
every single kid we've ever known, every single person we've gotten blow jobs from, every single person we've hit home runs with... is at dennys right now
Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
I briefly wondered why they weren't in school, but after the tinier one shouted "check out dem titties!" I had my answer
do not give him the "i just had sex cake" i repeat DO NOT give him the cake. things didn't go well
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
according to last night, I underestimated the size of my mouth and the possibilities of what can fit into it.
In case you wake up wondering why your eyes hurt... You were claiming to be Zeus and that mortal weapons couldn't harm you. Some chick took it as a challenge and pepper sprayed you. Sorry dude.
Lol what? Monday night impromptu acid drop was the alternative.
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life?
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
Randomize
