He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
there's only 1 girl at Mount St Mary that's a virgin. the Mary statue standing outside
Is it bad to go up to the security desk and ask them for the name of the guy I signed in last night? I have absolutley no clue
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
If Amber from Teen Mom can get a new boyfriend, so can I.
It reminded me of the time my mother gave my Bailey's in my stocking when I was 14.
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
No longer allowed at circus circus apparently fuvking in the elevator is frowned upon.
Out of everyone here, the sober one caught the cat on fire.
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
No one with a hairstyle like that is allowed to insult anyone for anything
is it just me or does "lol" kill any sort of vibe while sexting?
Married dude I had an affair with 10yrs ago was at table next to us at dinner last nite. My mom asked him to take a pic of us & then commented how cute he was as they left. Do I tell her he’s got a huge D too?
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