i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
i cant believe jose lima did steroids
apparently the kind that make you shitty at baseball
if i had a camp nickname it would be Flick Bean
Kay wants to put chicklets in our cooters to make beavers and take pix captioned Got Wood? Taking public transit does scary things to her.
there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
well someone pooped in the lint basket in the laundry room last night, but none of us will admit to it so we're all just secretly judging each other and doubting ourselves.
This morning my mouth tasted like fruit trees, battery acid, and magnums. Transferring schools was the best decision Ive ever made.
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
listen i get youre a daddy dom but that doesnt give you a pass to make dad jokes
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