She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
WAIT U DIDN'T FEED THE SQUIRREL?
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair.
LIFE IS #1 SOMETIMES
And to top it off I think that was the first time in history that anyone has used "oh just taking care of her grandmother and doing porn" in the same sentence.
They think its so cute and admirable that I learned French. BITCH HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF GOOGLE TRANSLATE? sexting foreign bitches, there's an app for that
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
Just sold my panties for 40 bucks to some rando dude at the gay bar. I think I found a way to fund next years spring break trip. Hello cancun!
LOOK AT HOW SMOOTH THIS BITCH IS
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