; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
I know it may not be fiscally responsible to pregame fifty cent night, but I'm gonna go ahead and do it anyway.
Judging by her face, I'd say she's at least dabbled with meth...
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
The crowd is chanting "we want sex!" There's a man dressed as bacon. That is all
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
All I want is a hot dog on a Saturday at 2:19 is that to much to ask?!
He told me I was a good dog mom. I've never been so turned on in my life
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
Hey, thanks for helping me this morning
Always a pleasure to feed you bread as your body lay crumpled on the floor.
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