Nob stitches i do do not bleed anymorr!
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That text made me feel like i signed up for some awesome celeb nude pic reminder
Also, on a completely related note, just came up with an awesome business plan. You in?
didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR
So, Southern Comfort will donate 25 cents for every bottle sold towards Gulf Coast Relief... Can we save the wetlands through my alcoholism?
I can practically hear my vag and my conscience fighting.
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
JUST BECAUSE I LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED DOESNT MEAN IM GOING TO LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED AT WORK
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
Dear sober self, your keys are on the table in front of you the only way your typing this is with autocorrect goodnight love you
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
He was my first marine! I wanna remember his name!
I sure hope so...I wonder if he could tell in that email that I'm really good at blow jobs. Hopefully he heard that tone. Any means necessary.
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
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