Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
she must of just birthed a child cause her labia touched the floor
You hooked up with 4 random girls, avoided your grilfriend finding out about it, and dodged traffic on Park Ave. Can you say luck of the Irish?
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
So my niece decided to play "lets make shapes out of your bruises" with me and told me that one of them looks like a shark bite. Bravo, sir. Bravo.
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
Have you ever just woke up in the morning and felt pregnant
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
It's all fun and games until you rupture a testicle
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
if it makes you feel any better you looked really comfortable while you were sleepin in the closet, atleast according to the pictures i woke up with on my phone
Randomize
