can you sing with all the voices of the mountain? can you paint with al the colors of the windddd
wasted?
im pocohantasssss
He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
Plus apparently whenever one of her friends loses their virginity they get a party with a funfetti cake which I found funny
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
I may only be a second year med student but I feel very confident in calling that a micropenis.
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
I'm not sure which is more depressing, the fact that the hospital is making me put together a living will before surgery, or that all i'll be leaving behind is 25k in student loan debt
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
OH MY GOD THE LITTLE GIRL IS SITTING WITH US WHILE WE SMOKE. I'M NOT DOING THIS
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
i need some food
Holy shit I forgot about you stabbing him.
My snow day: told Cam, "we're not dating today, we're just roommates." No bra, boxers, drinking whiskey by myself for the past 2 hours, yelling at The Ultimate Fighter reruns from 3 years ago.
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
Randomize
