I accidentally told him I've been cheating on him with his brother last night.
How did that happen by accident?
I was drunk and vomited all over him and thought, "maybe he will just stay with me out of pity if I tell him with stomach acid and alcohol all over his crotch." I was wrong.
Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
I don't think everyone found it as funny as I did... Nothing says "Party's Over" like the sound of a pump action shotgun.
he does have a point though, watching you drink makes me never want to drink again
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
She literally got down on all fours and I swear did a 360 degrees head rotation exorcist barf...and then moaned IT WAS THE TACO BEEEELLLLLL
so no, not her best night
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
I'm pretty sure the guy in front of me at Walmart doesn't have good plans. It's one am he is buying a flash light and black bandanna
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
Not at all! I'll let your potential employer know you have a huge dick
He's far too busy staring into my soul to touch my tits.
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