I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
just tried to puke while my RA was trying to puke in the stall next to me.bonded for life
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
Welcome to drink and talk like a Russian afternoon.
Pirate drinking day will be planned for shortly
I approve this so hard.
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
I took a pregnancy test at Pancheros a bit ago.
Oh shit that's not good dude. I'd head straight for Williamsport hospital the first ingredient in that shit is lithium batteries. You don't want to know what the second one is
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
I went to the hospital to have my arm checked out, and they already knew the story. They gave me props for posting photos on facebook before even coming to the hospital.
Randomize
