Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
Well, i'm not sure how that works so i wish both you and your vagina luck on your voyage.
Hes laying on the floorn in the bathroom telling Jesus to raise the flag
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
I think we did. All i know my pants smell like pong water due to the bathroom extravagansa. God I feel like a whore.
I told him I wish we were at my house cause then I could tell him to get out after we had sex.
look, im sorry that i yelled at your little brother, threw my car keys at him and smashed a stale cookie with a pool cue, but i swear to god i didn't poop on the floor. it was one of your dogs.
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
Sooo does anyone wanna tell me why I threw up a cigarette this morning?
OMG YOU DID TO?!
What are u up to today?
Marathon sex and eating.
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