I'm at the grocery store, it's 10 am and the woman in front of me just bought 3 boxes of wine. She turned around and told me not to be afraid
how can i incorporate a boy scout uniform into what i do tonight?
I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
My sheets, bed, and bathroom are covered in blood. She needed 14 stitches after a trip to ER. This is the last white girl I ever hookup with.
I don't know who the girl crying at my kitchen table eating gravy from the KFC container is, but I feel like she could be my soulmate
Its not gay if you're best friends and there's less than an inch of dick in the picture. That's where the line is drawn
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
he just fucked me for my cheese..
Just woke up to Siri reminding me that i need to kill the giant orange spider in my room, because it's sorcery and witchcraft is sacrilegious. Did you give me LSD again!?!??!
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
He just ate a tooth whitening strip...
The adults are the big ones right?
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