dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
come downstairs quick. our boyfriends are having a dance off in nothing but their underwear and shoes. and they have semis too.
it's a well known fact that sluts are attracted to bright colors
american apparel?
try lime green
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
he kept his composure pretty well until he puked on the cop car
She's a squirter....that makes up for lots of other annoying things
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
She's the drunk girl with the air-horn and sunflower seeds.
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
We were in the uber and you were crying because you wanted to be an Olympic gymnast. The driver tried to console you and you just cried harder
Randomize
