the next morning i told him i was impressed that he remembered my name. he said it wasn't that hard when "tracy
i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
I'm so disappointed in myself I can actually taste it.
Does it taste like semen?
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
Whiskey dick has taught us to be smart with our time.
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
You’re a genius! I just walked in, shut the door, blew him and left. He could barely move afterwards and was a hot mess at the presentation. He already sent me a calendar invite for another meeting
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