He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
Dude, she looked like the Canadian Slam Poet, neck hair and all.
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
we didnt even have break up sex...
you had it for us with someone else...
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick
I'm by the dj to the left. Come get me now this girl is talking about baby names and I dnt even no hers
I can't see you
I'm the only one that's wearing a tarzan outfit get your ass over here you douche
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
Please brint me miilk. I am on the floor but my door is open. Thank you, i appreciate u verry much.
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
Plus he is a pilot so I could give him flight dome
was i wearing any clothes at that point?
socks and a thong
Ate a slug for 39 dollars
I wouldn't expect anything less from a PhD student
he broke off the kiss to ask "can I grab your boob?" like props for asking for clear and concise consent but there HAS to be a sexier way to do it
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