so all night Ive been that girl with her tits out @ the bar. I mean I dropped jaws, yo. But in a classy way.
He should be on Bizare Foods after who he ate last night
I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
there is literally a full grown man stuck between the radiator and her bed. i thought i kicked him out 20 minutes ago but nope we found him
After she asked if she could try to fit her toe ring around it, i decided to leave. Thats the life i live
Dad says your scarf isnt fooling anyone and u look like a douchebag, its literally the perfect time to tell him your gay
That's a lot of people she's fucked in one picture.
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
Randomize
