My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
so i hit rock bottom, god threw me a shovel. i continued to dig.
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
This guy just told me he wanted to bathe in bong water with me and then tried to lick my nipple through my bra. This could be love.
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
This should be a warning to men everywhere: do not send pictures of your erect penis to women you hardly know - they will add cats and send them to all of their friends.
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
I'd go lesbian for $50 and a good phone case.
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
Randomize
