Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
Well, he has like 3 girlfriends but I think I could be polygamist for that dick.
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
Also, I saved your name as Everclear last night. No idea why I did that.
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
Lmfao. We asked what you wanted to eat and you said vagina. I don't care what kind. Fresh, barbecue, roasted on a camp fire. I just want it on my taste buds.
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
Dicks are not precious.
Got arrested last night. My cell mate just added me on Facebook.
I think I'll shower sitting down. That seems safe.
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
Randomize
