Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
I don't know how to say this, but I think you're a fucking bitch and the sooner you die I'll be happier.
Sorry- wrong number! :)
Is it possible for Craig Seger to wear a normal suit and not look like an asshole on national tv?
i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
You know it's been awhile when the imagery of fucking AT A DENNY'S gets me really turned on.
I wish I had a clear image of the dude who was sucking on my tit outside the bar last night
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
He was gone for 5 minutes, opened the car door and said, "Don't eat my shit." and dropped Chipotle on the passenger seat. He was gone for another 10 minutes and came back with Coldstone. That stoned.
Randomize
