Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
As a side note, my abs are sore. Most likely cause? Orgasms. Thank you.
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
btw theres a pine tree in the downstairs shower. the guys thought it would be a great free air freshener.
How dare you. Idk what you called me, and neither does google translate, but you better take it back.
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
My dad lost his bandaid somewhere in the turkey. It was a mixture of thanksgiving and an Easter egg hunt
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
So I'm never gonna get to see you again?
Hopefully.
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
St. Patty's shenanigans tmrw? I wanna meet dudes lol. Why stop at coronavirus when you can get the clap, too?
Randomize
