and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
Let me make this really simple. We woke up this morning and fucked three times. When I got up and took a shower she cleaned up the mess from last night and did the dishes. Then we went out and she bought me brunch. I don't give a FUCK how much you don't like her.
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
I think I threw my underwear away at What-A-Burger last night.
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
As he was cumming he yelled "Yahtzee" then said im free to go. Thats my one night stand
I think that maybe Alyssa may of had too much to drink. is it normal for her to straddle random people in quizno's?
Randomize
