new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
This girls' body was nothing short of spectacular...her face, was like the '09 Detroit Lions
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
I'm quite proud of this turning point from one night stands to giving some guy a BJ to fix my car for free.
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
I keep telling myself that if Britney can make it through 2007, I can make it through this date.
The drug dealer had chickens in his house so I know it was good stuff.
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
The fact that you cheered yourself on while you puked saying it was your first college puke, blacked out, and sang taylor swift to the toilet confirms the fact that we are related. I've never been more proud.
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