I ran out of diet so I'm mixing captain with a juice box. Being a mom has finally paid off.
The guy i fucked last week got done first on the test in my 900 person class. If im pregnant at least it will be smart.
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
How do you set tits on fire ? I swear her tits were on fire.
Drunk
Deyhxbr
Fucaerrrrr
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose.
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
I fell off my bed and busted open my chin on the prisoner of azkaban. Somehow missed the almost empty Jose handle next to it. So guess what I was doing last night?
if I blackout nd am found tomorrow w butterfly hairclips on my nipples and my habd down my pants tell my family I am sorry
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
Jesus better clutch that motherfucking wheel, then.
I'M NOT PUTTING MY TRUST IN JESUS! I'M PUTTING MY TRUST IN YOU!
I'm reading fall out boy fanfic. What has my life come to.
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