i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
so i just calculated it and i would need to score 150% on this final to pass
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
I'm currently trying to decide if crown or wild turkey will hurt worse coming back out through my nose later.
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
Our motto for the night: BLACK OUT OR BACK OUT.
That's our motto every night.
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
Ain't no cockblock like hearing the word"HOOODOOORR!" shouted from the bedroom floor while in the middle of sex.
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
I impressed him by taking off my panties without removing my pants.
I'm officially removing you from my nudes recipient list on snapchat.
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
Randomize
