it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
you have no chance. her best friend is a human abstinence poster.
and then he started using my ass as a stressball
Does he not understand that naked slip and slide needs supervision after dark?!
its fine. mom just made me chug a long island. and made a crying face when i balked. we'll talk tomorrow.
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
He said "you speak American pretty good for a Canadian" and it took everything in me to still fuck him. Dry spell ended btw
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
I get off at 11. but they've been letting me go early cuz I've been crying a lot
I'm going to confession for the first time in 6 years. Where do I start, the gay sex or rampant alcoholism?
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
Quit being awkward towards me every time the group is together. They're going to figure out we're fucking.
Randomize
