All I remember from my 21st is crying because the bouncer made him put his shirt back on
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
I'll remember. Also, I owe you 200 for a pair of shoes that I carelessly bought to improve my spinal structure, to improve my health and ensure that I love to be 300 years old. Like Adam. Of the bible.
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
She's 90% sass and 10% boobs
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
She looked so much better when u didn't look at her and the music was too loud to hear her
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
I now have a "weirdest thing a guy ever did in bed" story. Cut my fingernails.
Yeah I'm gonna need you to stop it right there.I know this is supposed to be a safe space but Imma have to exit.
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
Randomize
