Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
Definitely Got caught hugging a strangers tree last night with 5 others.
He wasn't lying when he said he was immune to pepperspray. He pretended it burned for like 12 seconds and told the cops he was kidding he was alright. We'll be there soon.
MY MOM IS GOING TO SMOKE WITH ME.
SHE'S GOING TO SMOKE HIGH QUALITY MARIJUANA WITH ME.
I don't even remember what he looks like. All I know is he's 6 foot 100. I like that.
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
I JUST GOT WOKEN UP TO HIM PISSING ON ME SAYING "IT HAS TO HAVE WATER TO GO TO THE BATHROOM" AND AFTER HE FINISHED HE DIDNT REMEMBER DOING IT
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
Probably some sort of karmic revenge for me looking at titties somewhere along the way
and for that you shall suffer
God: I won't strike you down, but I shall introduce your child to Doja Cat during a quarantine
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