I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
His pubic hair was longer than his dick
i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
Found out that it IS actually possible to get road head from somebody in the back seat
im taking a nap outside. wake me up in an hour.
way to go to work and not wake me up. when you get home youre rubbing me with aloe and giving me a blowjob. no excuses
This morning my mouth tasted like fruit trees, battery acid, and magnums. Transferring schools was the best decision Ive ever made.
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
I found him passed out against a dryer in the girls washroom, in front of an old woman was trying to figure out how to dry her hands.
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
No seriously you guys are gonna get arrested
Do me a favor I want you to reach down the front of your pants and underwear and just feel around for a while... if you happen to find your balls then join us
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
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