if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
There is a girl in bio drinking beer out of a starbucks cup with a straw
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
Hey history final, how's it feel to be raped in the ass by my steel cock of ACADEMIC PERFECTION?
you are way too vulgar to be a girl
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
I may puke in class so I'm excited to see how that goes
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
We played table tennis, but used tv remotes taped to our foreheads instead of paddles. Every time your opponent scored you took a shot. I'm the current champion as of last night.
I feel like a drive thru vagina
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
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