Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
ok, his religious views on facebook are madonna lyrics. we no longer have to wonder about his sexuality.
I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
i can tell by the sound of your bed that he isnt that good at sex.
Also there's a dick sized hole in my tights...should I be worried?
ur not supposed to find someone to make out with when ur bf takes u to his SISTERS house to hang out with her and her husband
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
Randomize
