My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
did you know delaware is a STATE? HOLY CRAP! i didn't till i was hitting on this chick and asked her when she said she was from delaware, which state that was in. crazyness
The streak lives on, still havent been to Towson without throwing up
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.
I wish that one Sunday morning I could wake up feeling like I have my life together.
so I woke up without pants, but my cardigan was still on and fully buttoned. curious.
You say you're gonna take rehab seriously... but i keep imagining it as a training montage for you preparing to snort all of columbia.
That actually is really sweet of you
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
I forced myself to puke in my garbage can, and the next day I bought a new one and burnt the old one. You could say it was a rough night
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
Randomize
