If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
im trying to catch a child molester. call you later.
so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
All I want is a camelback full of Jameson and the weather to be cool enough for me to wear rainbow spandex. Ugh. Pride problems.
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
It's always great when the guy I get pills from sends me an email that says "I know you will get clean it's going to be hard but I know you can do it"
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
WELL I DIDNT KNOW IT WAS POSSIBLE TO COME SO HARD YOU HAVE AN ASTHMA ATTACK BUT HERE I AM
Alcohol. Making me feel good about myself since 2008
Randomize
