3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
I'm at subway, this 8 year old kid is judging my fashion sense with his dad. I want to kill myself.
It's ok, he's just 8, he's not judging you.
He just asked why I'm sitting alone. I honestly want to cry.
Well I think that's a good thing that I'm not full of someone else.
She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
All I know is that it's pretty damn mean to put a glass wall in a bar.
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
I did nothing besides stay sober all night, I walked home to find max naked knocking cups off the counter with his cock lol
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
donating our bodies to science does not justify what were doing to them.
I just gave my mom some ones that look like they've probably been in some strippers cooter. Oops.
Haha. Just tell your mom not to smell them
Hey mom, most of this money I'm giving you is in ones. Don't ask why and whatever you do don't smell them.
Sounds legit to me.
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
Well now you know... If you can get over the awkward... The dick is 10 min away.
gave up morals for lent, so far it's actually been really easy.
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
Randomize
