Halloween 2010: the NuvaRing girls. You're Thursday. We'll walk into the party chanting "Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday, Sunday, Everydaaay".
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
found out the liquor store price matches. thus begins senior year of college
I was chocking and even did the sign for it..And you continued to just laugh
What not to say at an interview: i can wrap the shit out of some food.
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
Officially crunch time. It's my last year of grad school and I've yet to get blown in a school library. The parking garage was less than a block away though.
There's Dick Pix, Zorro, and The Little Engine that Could. I nickname my fuck buddies for the exact same reason why you don't name animals which you will one day have for dinner.
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Randomize
