That was definitely a porn plot just waiting to develop...
WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
The theme is smores and alcohol. Dress appropriately.
Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
$150 bar tab covered by these tits. That's now the going rate. Keeping my bra on during sex unless i see the Benjamins.
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
You were staring right at you dick at the urinals, then looked at all the other guys dicks and fist pumped saying "I win!"
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
Randomize
