i paused nhl 10 while i jerked off and it was like a crowd was cheering me on
Dude she let me cum on her face
You have the wrong number I'm the she who let you cum on her face unless some other girl has let you since this morning
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
Srsly this has gone to far. Just broke my nose on the toilet. College bars.
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
My ex husband is now my side piece. #thisis30
The last I heard from her she said she was going to plant sunflowers, get drunk on white wine and listen to Everybody Wants to Rule the World on repeat.
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
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