Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
I hate girls that dress up to come to planned parenthood. I just want to be like we are all in the same boat here, we know your slutty. Its OK.
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
this whole healthcare thing got me thinking.. without knowing it my parents are now going to be paying for my dealer to be able to live..
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
Give me one reason I shouldn't put the phrase "sex emotions" into my essay.
No.
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
I bet he’d be surprised by the epic blow job he’d get if he stopped talking about his wife long enough for me to get in the mood
Randomize
