Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
where does the pee come out of this thing
Whatever. It was high school. Back then I'd blow anyone who had enough room between their chest and their steering wheel for my head to fit.
I'm up to 9 pic of different guys. I need 4 more boys and each one of the 13 to submit 3 additional pics. I wanna make a penis deck of cards.
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
They took my balls.
I just looked at your pics on Facebook....there was cake? Where the fuck was I!?
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
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