he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
so we were pounding it out and someone knocked on the wall and was shouting at us
that didnt stop you
nope
Just got the American Express annual summary for 2009. The amount of bars we visited last year is impressive.
how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
My life has come down to me literally sitting on an uncrustables trying to defrost it because I’m drunk alone and hungry.
I have to touch the horse lube. :-(
Randomize
