I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
just found deep spiritual meaning in spongebob.... that high.
Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
We made out while a LIT cigarette dangled out of the side of his mouth. Disturbing or slightly erotic?
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
So my mom wants me to come swim with dolphins with my little sisters in October. I'm not sure how to tell her I saw a "when dolphins attack" special when I was rolling and am now terrified of them.
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
Munching saltines, sippin Gatorade, and trying not to get eaten by this small horse
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
Randomize
