Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
stayed up until 6am doing my presentation on buddhist art and the practice of chanting. took shots. did drugs. the powerpoint now includes a sesame street style game (with chicken/puppy clip art), an xzibit music video (and quotes about section eight and eating steaks), and a reference to a german metal band (universe). this is going to be the best presentation ever
That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping
you are not perverted enough for this relationship to work out.
On my way back to his place to see his "art". Why am I sure this is going to be nothing more than his dick in a box?
I honestly think she should have her own reality show called "Lowering the Bar" and it consists of a camera crew following her from Bar to bar hooking up with unsuspecting drunk attractive men.
I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
I put on a face mask and masturbated for an hour... my face now has a green tint
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