It was like doing yoga with his dick in me
I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
Soooo, if his status went from married to single and he deleted all the pictures of his kids does that mean he's up for dibbs?
It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
I'm making mistakes. Coming up with girl now
I hate me. That girl was hiiiiideous.
He compared my ass to "a 13 year old track star's ass." Umm WTF? Is that supposed to be a compliment? And when I questioned boy or girl he said "either."
They found you popping and locking it alone in the parking lot
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
Here's a tip: do NOT chant "MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS." during sex because the Packers won against the Giants.
Just almost drowned myself in the shower again. I need an adult.
you do realize the next step is naked mud wrestling, right?
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
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