Do you feel like you missed out a little from not getting crabs in college?
You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
How was your 8:30 class today?
Non existent. I just threw up in my water bottle on the bus.
I went down on her for 35 minutes and didn't even get a handy. I've never felt more desire to be gay in my life.
I would feel worse for you if you weren't waking up between a pair of double Fs that attached to a classically trained chief. Im still jacking off eating hot pockets.
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
I can't believe I'm going to buy bitcoin to pay for erection pills
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
I dont think the chain smoking, tequila shots or cocaine was good for my bronchitis.
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