Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
1 in 5 deaths i nrussia is alcohol related. GO MOTHERLAND
Queso dip and pictures of Daniel's penis. It's like the last days of Rome over here.
You don't have anything to lose--we've established that he's not going to murder you and he smells good.
I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
I forgot to ask you how long you're housesitting. By which I mean how many bones can I get in averaging 2.5 bones per day.
20.
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
Yup we found her. The bouncer was carrying her out
Randomize
