I painted my nails silver
And what are the implications of that?
Is there supposed to be a msg in that? Just thought ud like to know it looks like I fingerbanged an alien
Just saw the homeless asian lady making a hispanic man pull her shopping cart with a harness. I love Boston.
I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
I had a dream last night that you and me were eating cheesecake and according to my FATHER I was moaning really loud in my sleep. I seriously have issues.
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
If I could figure out how to do him with his wranglers on you would never see me again.
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
Tell me you're alive little brother. And please tell me you didn't get arrested. You made no fucking sense last night in your random texts and pictures you were sending me.
Randomize
