i have a strong urge to join the asians in the park doing tai chi. I think im still high .
We are walking down to the lake and then i dont know. Where did you sleep?
Places.
Plural? Please tell.
I guess there's some 16 and under softball tournament and they all are at my work. what is a 21 year old to do?
The responsible thing...show them the break room.
He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
Haha yeah my head's fine..sorry about the dent in your fridge.
A big toe in my vag is not foreplay.
Should I go sleeveless of strapless?
Hmmm, it doesn't matter. You're gonna be topless by the end of it.
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
He turned down head in favor of a handjob. Not sure if he's crazy or i have magic hands
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
Don't drink and try to take a shower. I thought I was drowning
Randomize
