Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
He looks like he has a penis
What the fuck
A good one, a good penis
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
I'm so disappointed in myself I can actually taste it.
Does it taste like semen?
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
It's official. This guy and I are going gay for each other. We're tasting the fucking rainbow.
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
That has got to be a joke. No human eats that much grass and lives to tell the tale.
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
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