There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
so the time management class we had to take for work seems to be working. I just beat off instead of waiting for gf to get home bc it fit my schedule better.
day 8: i just gave goat a piece of pineapple soaked in rum. as an animal science major, im ashamed. as a normal person, it was awesome.
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
Its a "sake bomb in the bathroom during class" kind of day.
I don't see how you can turn down creme brulee and orgasms
i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
Remember how slutty I thought she was when we were freshmen?
Yeah! But that was a long time ago. Plus, you use your sluttiness for good!
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