Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
I was making out with him, and then his friend randomly took off my pants and started going down on me. My first semi-threesome was a success.
This coke is making my nose hairs dance. That good.
Bad things happen to those who bang their lab partner at the beginning of the semester.
See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
We drank vodka and koolaid through a traffic cone. It got rowdy.
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
I want your cock. I also want to cuddle you and tell you how amazing you are, because you know balance.
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
Well I only snuggle him I don't hump him. That's rude.
he's fucking insane. he's worse than me. is that even possible? I'm only with him because his dick is huge. I need Jesus.
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