shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
thought so. i woke up and he was playing with my eyeliner. I MAKE GREAT CHOICES.
It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
We convinced the Dj to let us play musical chairs...... I won by the way.
Secondly, that waffle is lost for good. I have no fucking idea where that bitch is
she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
I feel like she is getting all kinds of bacterial exposure that may otherwise have been avoided had she been wearing pants
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
anything below 65° is too cold to be naked on a roof
You threw him in the dryer?
He went in of his own accord. Mumbled something about experiencing the blossoming of popcorn.
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
Randomize
