Ahhh... Adderall running out my nose in the shower really brings back memories.
He like poked it twice with the tip of his tongue then left it alone. I'm sad.
the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself
i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
she's crying and begging for her chapstick and insisting on walking home...her every thursday ritual
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
How's your threesome situation going?
Optimistic
It's amazing I mean I blew that senator just for him to deny me marriage.... Politics suck and he swallowed!
The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin.
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
Who the fuck is "nick from the beach last year"
No idea hahaha...why?
He just texted me.. Should I ask where I met him?
Randomize
