Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
my financial goal is to have my cable back before football season starts
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
Now that you're back together are you gonna tell him you set his stuff on fire?
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing.
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
Well, at some point in her life every girl has to decide how much weird she's willing to tolerate for hot tall banker cock
MY TITS ARE PERFECTLY CALM.
I'm putting his belongings the garage sale so he can buy his own stuff back. # divorced life. Thanks for cheating on me you tone deaf dick biscuit that'll be $20. Haha.
I dont pretend to understand how the heterosexual mind works. Its a mysterious cavern of stupidity and disgusting sexual acts.
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
Randomize
