I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
It's called 'beer pong' not 'everclear and coke pong' for a reason...
yes you're required to wear a bikini its the snowpocalypse beach party
Who just wakes up in their own bed and assumes "I probably blew some guy last night"
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
Just keep my face away from hard objects. And by that I do not mean erect penised.... those are totally fine. It's more just things like rocks, table edges, blunt objects, etc so I don't get another concussion.
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
So this is what it's like to wake up with someone else's blood in your nose...
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
Randomize
