Where did you get a picture of my penis
Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
So far we've hooked up on a pool table, on a public bathroom counter and now in a little league baseball dugout. We haven't even made to a house yet.
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
so i ran into nick. i may be more gay than anticipated
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
she's throwing knives it scares me
update: broke ceiling. glass everywhere
honestly if there were pictures of last night i would be embarrassed.... im embarrassed without pictures
Randomize
