There is a strange man mowing my lawn. Best day ever.
no seriously. she's even got the premier of the real L word on her calendar at work. that lesbian.
So just to get a feel for things...how prone are you to male Amish strippers...
Warning: at some point today you will probably see several pics of me 69-ing a blow up turtle show up on facebook. Just disregard them.
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
I'd say tonight was pretty successful. I rode an iron horse naked and sweet talked myself out of an MIC while wearing a bra filled with four loko.
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
like are we talking 'quick beer' bad or 'break out the real vodka' bad
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
He was awful. Hubby's was apparently epic. I suck at swinging.
Her blow jobs are legen wait for it seriously like 9 people I know brag about them dary
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
no no no no you can't just say your dirtiest secret is "i sat on goldfish by accident once" and just leave i have QUESTIONS
AT LEAST TELL ME IF THE GOLDFISH WAS STILL IN A BOWL??????????????
Dude, she was there with her husband and I was there with my wife. Of course we banged in the bathroom.
Randomize
