I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
Old men and throwing up are my life now.
Can the rest of this semester just go by as a montage?
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
He snuck into my grandmothers house, broke her lamp, fucked me, then had breakfast with us the next morning. I am an awful granddaughter.
does she really think making her boyfriend delete me on facebook is going to magically stop us from hooking up?
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
Actually some of the best sex I've had involved a lot of laughing.
How small IS your cock?
Does he cat effect his dick pics to you? Because THAT is true love
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
So pro tip. do not order drugs from india and then assume you know your tolerance level.
Hun your dick isn't big enough for you to be that lame and predictable
I just noticed, at some point last night I got on iTunes and purchased over 100 classical piano songs.
That is our entire relationship. We match bowls and give each other head. What more could you possibly want?
Randomize
