I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
She refered to her bed as the "cockpit"....I understand that this morning.
And nobody saved him?? That chick had like three teeth TOPS
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
This reunion sucks. All the confident hot girls from high school are still confident and hot, and none of the fat girls with low self esteem transformed into hot girls with low self esteem.
Hahahaaa There's this one girl crying hysterically and wrapped around (i believe) her ex's leg. He's trying to shake her off without spilling his beer. This is fucking priceless.
they have a video of him in his boxers making a snow angel in the hallway is his own vomit and coca cola.
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
its not even a love triangle. its a love square and it has come back to haunt me
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